My kids are cuter than yours

It's just me and my Trooper right now. We sit in a quiet house (aside from the virtually ever-present buzzing of the refrigerator- golly that thing is loud!) and he is happily munching on his lunch. While sitting here admiring the beautiful shape of his sweet little profile, the way his round little cheeks move while he chews, the way he'll look over at me to see if I'm still watching and the smile that lights up his whole being when he realizes that I am, the way his neck stretches out just a bit when he's concentrating on what he's tasting, the little voice chattering away in his own little language (yeah...there's just a lot to admire about this kid:)), I thought, "Uh oh, it's Friday and I didn't blog yesterday!"

So here I am to enumerate the blessings I've received this week.

I'm thankful for Trooper, my tender mercy baby who has been a source of peace and joy in a very unsettled time. Life would be so hectic without him.

I'm thankful for Goose, my goofball wild man who is trying his best to teach me patience and compassion. Life would be so mundane without him.

I'm thankful for Al, my monkey boy who is so full of questions I have no reason to ever stop learning. Life would be so boring without him.

I'm thankful for Jonz, my little lawyer who has an answer for everything and is a physical reminder that six year olds do learn to control their energy eventually and I should be hopeful for his brothers. Life would be so empty without him.

I'm thankful for Bret, my brave husband who takes on the world for our family. Life would be pointless without him.

I'm thankful for this totally awesome little town we've moved to. The kind of place where mullets are alive and well (please PLEASE let them die before my boys become teenagers!). The kind of place where the 3rd grade program includes honoring the Browns, who've been a part of the community for over sixty years. The kind of place where half the town is related in some way shape or form and most of the residents have been here for three or four generations. The kind of place that builds a beautiful baseball park at the foot of some of the most beautiful mountains you've ever seen, especially come sunset! The kind of place with century old houses with fruit trees and picket fences. The kind of place where everyone waves and smiles. The kind of place where I can step outside any time of day and hear birds singing while I admire the mountains, sky, stars, sunset, etc.

I love it here.

And speaking of the 3rd grade program- my Jonzy boy started school one week before the show and managed to learn all the songs and dances. He's pretty awesome. And the program capped off with a totally amazing, traditional song that you would never hear elsewhere and that, from the style of music, sounds like they've been singing this song since before I was a 3rd grader and they plan to sing it forever. When the intro music started, Bret leaned over and whispered, "Are we in an Amway commercial?" I almost snorted. And then when the kids actually started singing the words...we couldn't stop shaking with silent laughter. Small towns are awesome:)

And though building a house is insanely stressful, I'm super thankful to be in this process. It's exciting!

And what about you? What are you thankful for today?

When you say you love me

I don't know if I've ever shared this here before.

Sorry if I'm repeating myself.

I have this thing I like to do.  Sometimes, when I hear a love song I like to think of the lyrics in a religious way instead of a romantic way. Words between me and Jesus.

Try it.  It's a great way to feel good about life when you're down.

One of my favorite songs to do this to is this one:



When I open my eyes to it, Heavenly Father and Jesus tell me I'm loved in a million ways throughout each day.

A soft rain that brings that heavenly smell through my windows. "I love you, Lindsey."

A mountainside of aspen trees in various stages of color changing. "I love you, Lindsey."

A gummy grin from Trooper. "I love you, Lindsey. And so does this baby boy."

Clouds hanging on the mountains, a misty dark blue sky, and the sunrise peaking through as I drive the boys to school. "I love you, Lindsey."

Peace washing over me from the top of my head to the ends of my toes when I pray. "I love you, Lindsey."

Open your eyes and see all the ways they are telling you they love you, too!

There was a moment...

...when I watched my little baby feeding himself graham crackers.

He's growing up so fast.

They all grow up so fast.

When I had "three under three," I often heard comments to the tune of "enjoy these days. They grow up so fast."  To which I would think (through the mist of exhaustion and wondering when this interminable day would close...so another would start), "Yeah...riiiiight."

But they were right.  Looking back, those looooong days flew past in weeks, months, and years.

And I do miss them.

I enjoy this stage.  Very much so.  I love this stage.

But I still miss those days.

Especially since I've blocked out so much of the tough stuff;)

And now my Trooper acts like he'll be rushing up to join his brothers in their independence by tomorrow.

They grow up so fast.

Darn those gummed up graham crackers.

Someone loves me

Anyone else out there look at other people's struggles and think, "I could never do that.  They are so strong." ???

I do.

But really, the fact is- if you were in their shoes, you'd likely be just as strong. 

I mean what else are you going to be?

If you suddenly find yourself single, or unemployed, or crippled, or, or, or...what else are you going to do but pick up pieces and trudge on?

I suppose you could always end your life.  But let's just not do that, eh? 

Thanks.

On a much smaller and less dramatic scale, I have been discovering some of my own strengths.  There have been so many times in the last few months when I just wanted to give up. 

I get tired.  Tired of being the cheerleader, tired of being the referee, tired of being the coach (my life is just one big sports metaphor), tired of being the maid, tired of being the judge, jury, and enforcer, tired of being the nurse, and now I'm tired of making this list.  You get the idea.

Life is draining.

But when I get to the point that I start thinking about just stopping, I (ever so thankfully) realize that life is not about me and someone would suffer if I dropped whichever metaphorical ball is giving me the most grief.  And so I keep going.

I keep going. Even when I thought, "That's it.  I can't do it anymore."  And when I make that choice to keep going, oddly enough I have the strength needed.  It works in every single aspect of life.

Funny ol' world, innit?

Anyway.  All that to say, I've been pushed to the wall so many times in the last couple months and always found it give once I've determined to keep going.

This morning I was faced with another wall. 

I glared at the wall.

I stuck out my tongue and kicked that stupid wall.

I leaned against the wall and moped at its existence.

And then I decided to do something productive, but different; just to change things up.  I cleaned out a long ignored cupboard.

In it I found the interview I'd done with my dad about his years in the Navy, drawings and doodles from five year old Jonzy-boy, the clippings from the twins' first haircuts that I thought I'd lost, and the notes from Al's and Goose's baby blessings that I also thought I'd lost (and kicked myself for so many times!).

Yeah, I cried.

I found the notes about ten seconds into the job.  I look for them every six months or so, the last search being two months ago.  As soon as I spotted the notebook, God told me, "there it is."  I gasped and snatched it then started thumbing through it to confirm if it was or not.  When I landed on the right page, the emotions flooded and that wall jumped back a few yards.

It moved further away with every lost item discovered.

It makes me so happy to get nods from upstairs.  I love reminders that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my silly struggles. 

Even though I wish it was bedtime now;)

"I like ten dollars."

I'm fairly worn out.  So I apologize if this post is anything less than coherent...

This morning the twins and I were laying on the floor by Trooper taking silly videos with my phone.  After I played them all back for them, Goose asked if he could play games on my phone.  I told him the battery was low and I needed to charge it.  He looked sideways at me from where he was laying next to my head and after a slight pause he said, "Mom, I think you need to charge YOUR battery."

Quite right, pal!

I'm so thankful I get to hang out with these awesome guys all day and for how often they make me laugh with their unintended wit and hilarity.

What are you thankful for today?

It's gr8 to be eight!

This past Saturday our family went to a baptism- beautiful girl, beautiful day.  Many, many wonderful moments were experienced. 

Many, many that I have been pondering on all weekend.

One of which I will share here in the hopes of giving hope to moms of wild kids.

Before the actual baptism, a couple women I do not know spoke to the children about to be baptized.  One spoke on baptism and one spoke on the Holy Ghost.

At some point during the second talk, I glanced over at my soon-to-be-eight year old and for some reason was struck by his behavior.

He was sitting still.

He was looking at the speaker.

He was making no noise.

And it hit me- "We have arrived! Hallelujah!"

Less than six years ago Bret and I were describing that trying to keep track of our oldest boy was like handling triplets.

He was everywhere, in everything, on everything, with noise constantly coming out of his mouth as he required his own percussion beat to his life.

That boy was perpetual motion personified.

The poor kid was constantly in trouble.  "Jonz! Don't do that. Jonz! No. Stop. No. Jonz! You can't have that. No. That's not safe. Jonz! No. Get down. No. Joooooonz."

It was quite the challenge to find a way to say some positive things in between all those no's, pleas, and warnings.

He was a fire.cracker.

Teaching him to behave properly in different circumstances (particularly church) was a behemoth undertaking.  The change was gradual and span the entirety of the past seven years. 

At first Jonz spent entire Sacrament meetings screaming on Bret's lap in a separate classroom.

Then Jonz would spend Sacrament meetings walking back and forth between me and Bret, getting in his brothers' faces, beat boxing, sitting down, standing up, sitting, standing, sitting, standing, and every so often trying to sneak past Dad's knee or escape under the pew.

Then he was pounding on his brothers, beat boxing, standing, sitting, standing, sitting, standing, sitting...

Then he was poking his brothers, giggling quietly, standing, sitting, standing, sitting.

Then he was poking his brothers and swinging his feet into the pew.

Then he was occasionally punching a brother or swinging his feet, stopping quickly with a whispered, "Jonz," accompanied by a "look."

The change was so gradual that suddenly we were in the chapel on Saturday and I realized that I hadn't had to chide him.  Not even once.  We went inside, we sat down, and he behaved magnificently!

We. have. arriiiiiiived!

He still needs reminders sometimes and I suspect he will for years to come.  He still runs everywhere while makes noises like a wounded, rampaging dragon.  He is still an energetic boy through and through.

But he has finally gotten to the point that he can control himself without constant intervention from Bret or me. 

There is hope, fellow moms of wild ones!  The perseverance does pay off.  They are learning, even when it takes ten million reminders.  Take heart! 

It is so much easier to have hope for all my boys now that I have seen it's possible with one of them. 

Hal-le-lu-jah.

I am so proud of the young man my Jonz is becoming.  He was once triplets, trying to break out of one little body and stretching my patience thirty feet past its limit.  Now (though he still can stretch my patience) Jonz is my stalwart helper, an excellent example as an older brother, our goofy comic relief, a pleasant companion, and a joy to watch as he continues to learn and grow.

We're looking forward to our own baptism soon and I am so excited to see my son take that first step back to Heavenly Father.

Growing up is exciting:)

What matters most

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.  Most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise…Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.  The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."  - Jenkins Lloyd Jones

Life is stressful.  And though that's the way of it and I try to hitch up my britches and get back to it, it's so wonderful to get reminders of what truly matters.

Like when Jonz gave me the opportunity to have fun pretending with him.  He dressed like a cowboy and came into the kitchen to "order a rootbeer."  The thrilled look on his face when I surprised him by diving into a story (complete with accent!) that led to an adventure outside gave me both joy and guilt.  He shouldn't have to be so surprised, I should do fun stuff like that with him all the time.  Yet it was still so fun to have that moment with him and see that while he's growing fast, he's still my little boy.

Then there was the time Al and Goose busted out some sweet moves with me while we rocked out to Billy Joel tunes.

Or laughing at ridiculous movie scenes with Bret last night.

And you know I can't post lately without bragging about my Trooper.  I tell you what, this boy is such a timely gift from heaven!  Just a couple days ago I was sitting on the couch with my computer, stressing about some church stuff that needed to get done asap.  Trooper was playing on a blanket and started to get a bit fussy. "Gah," I thought, "nap time."  I absent-mindedly spoke a "hang on juuuust a sec, bud" while I continued my work.  A few minutes later I got up to go find a paper I needed and stopped short when I saw that Trooper was asleep on his blanket.  He'd put himself to sleep and with hardly a peep!  As I looked at his sleeping face, I suddenly felt all the stress leave my body (not just the small stress over a deadline, but ALL the stress of life I was feeling) and be replaced with such a sweet peace.

God has blessed me beyond measure.  He blessed me to join paths with a loving and respectful man that I get to call my husband and he has blessed the two of us with four amazing sons.  They bring me more joy than I ever conceived possible.  Throughout my life, I have been blessed to be surrounded by fantastic people.

I am thankful for these reminders and for the peace they bring amidst the stress and trial of life.  And at the same time, I am thankful for the stress and trial that remind me to "cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you" (Jacob 6:5).

What are you thankful for today?

"Look what I can do!"

I've been out of the hospital for a few weeks now. 

Every day I am making progress.  And most every day I am so happy with a new (ie returned) ability that I call out to Bret, "Look what I can do!"

Things like-

Bending over the sink.
Standing from a chair without needing to push off or pull myself up by anything.
Spinning on one foot to dry my hands off on the kitchen towel while pushing the dishwasher closed with my other foot. (that's a fun one:))
Lifting my feet up while I'm sitting.
Twisting to look at something instead of turning completely around.
Standing for more than ten minutes.
Walk swiftly down the stairs.
Lift things slightly heavier than the baby. (over my head even!)

And that's all I can think of for now.  There's still much progress to be made.  I still look forward to the day I can laugh, cough, or sneeze without pain.  And jump up and down.  And carry laundry baskets downstairs instead of dragging them behind me.  And wrestle with my boys.  And being able to pick up a five year old who fell out of bed so I can put him back.  Sleeping on my side without feeling like my insides are about to fall out.

I am trying to remind myself that time heals all wounds and I will be back to full health eventually.  I might even be able to jump on the trampoline with my boys this summer...but that's probably not really going to happen until neeeext summer...But yes, time heals all wounds. 

And until that time comes, I'm enjoying the "Look what I can do!" moments. 

Like taking almost normal strides to the mailbox and stomping the snow off my boots:)

Blessings

This post has taken me almost two weeks.  Sorry.  Sure, I'm behind on my Thankful Thursday posts, but hey- I just had a baby.  Better late than never, says I (on blog posts, of course; the baby was early).

What an incredible time we've been having here.  I have been continually astounded at the blessings poured out on my little family in the past couple weeks (and to be honest, the entire year of 2012).

Our fourth little man arrived in as smooth a fashion as possible.  Bret gave me a blessing the evening before, in which (among other sweet things) I was promised I would heal quickly and gain my strength back quickly.  Boy have I ever!  Day 8 post surgery marked a major turning point.  I made breakfast for the big boys and then sat on the floor for a couple hours and played legos with the boys.  I was able to spend much more time on my feet without feeling like my insides were burning. 

I told Bret yesterday that it feels more like we're on vacation now instead of me convalescing. 

I had a hard time coming home.  It's rough enough to lay in a hospital and know that others are having to take over your responsibilities while you struggle to just shuffle ten feet without passing out.  It's super rough to come home and have it right in your face that you can't do pretty much anything AND you're now a burden yourself on those who are taking care of what you usually do.  I tried to keep perspective; I know that I get better and that it's a great opportunity for others to serve- a great time of growth for all involved.  But...it's also really hard to keep perspective in such situations as these, all that combined pain, hormonal roller coaster, exhaustion, etc. doesn't make for the clearest thinking.

It's getting easier, though.  And I have so many blessings to be thankful for today.

Blessings like-

Our beautiful new baby boy.  The experience with him so far is very different from the last two times.  He is easily consoled.  He eats well and has from the beginning.  He sleeps just like I expect a newborn to, and when he's awake he wants to be held but does not require continuous walking, bouncing, position changing, shushing, etc.  And he smiles so sweetly and so often in his sleep.  We are very smitten:)

Bret.  There are no words to do him justice.  Seriously, the English language is not sufficient.  I feel like every time I look at him, the love I feel for him triples.  And I can hug him again; no more side hugs!!  He's incredible and it's been a joy to see him so happy during this tiring time.

My sweet, amazing sons.  They accepted this massive change with joy and obediently (for the most part) stay quiet when they wake up before us in the mornings. 

My mom.  She's angelic.  No really, she actually is.  Put her together with my hugely fantastic father and you've got the best team ever.

My wonderful extended family and friends. 

Getting to take super hot showers again.  Christmas carols.  Losing 20+ pounds in less than two weeks.  Sitting down, standing up, and walking up and down the stairs with only an ache instead of a pain, sleeping without snoring like a 500 lb old man, sleeping for more than 20 minutes without needing to change positions, seasonal treats, family and friends bringing food, bouncy seats, scriptures, prayers, a house large enough to put the baby in his own room so the rest of us can get a bit o' sleep while he squeaks and grunts in his, the furnace keeping our house comfy and warm, the beautiful snowy landscape outside the windows, kleenex for my sick boys, sick boys coming back to health and the baby being protected so far (knock on wood), the portable heater that warms up the baby and I while I feed him in the middle of the night in the rocking chair by the window, dvd players in laptops that let my husband watch his baseball documentary while he sits up with the baby at night, the washing machine and dryer, crotchet blankets, Christmas lights and decorations in our lovely and festive home, movies with Bret, dry roads despite the snowy weather, and a zillion more things to be thankful for!

Oh, and watching my husband go out in our driveway last night and greet a friend he has not seen in something like 11 or 12 years.  It was a happy sight and sound:)

Life is so sweet right now and I am love-love-loving it!

What are you thankful for today?

Thank you

Yes, I missed Thankful Thursday on Thanksgiving.

But spending time with loved ones all weekend is much higher on the priority list than getting to my computer and writing a post.

And hey, I'm still full of gratitude.  And since I'm the main benefactor from this weekly endeavor of mine, I say my absence is totally justifiable.

Take that!

Anyway, I was just reading my posts from last December and had a moment that I thought I oughta share.

I seem to have forgotten that last holiday season was spent mightily sick.  Like, sicker-and-weaker-than-I've-been-in-years sick.  Most of the past Novs/Decs I've gotten something bad, but usually it's just my boys that get knocked out by viruses.  Last year, though, I got hit harder than I have in a while.  Stomach bug on Thanksgiving and the flu or a flu-like bug (which led to ear and sinus infections, of course) for weeks in December.

There was lots of "wo-is-us" in those posts, but also lots of recognition of tender mercies, too.

It was as I was reading one of the posts the thought came to me, "you're protected because of that."

In that moment, I thought of how little I understand of Heavenly Father's path for me.  I now readily believe it highly likely that I spent last holiday season so sick, along with my kiddos, so that this year (when we're getting ready to welcome a baby) we'd be stronger.  Though I didn't know it yet, Heavenly Father knew that this year I would be physically taxed creating a body for someone.  Getting sick is extra dangerous when pregnant.  Perhaps he was protecting me and the baby this year by training my body last year to fight off more viruses...Perhaps I'm off my rocker.  But I don't think so:)

And I realized that I have not been as thankful during times of sickness as I should be.

Sicknesses can teach us many things; like patience, trust, humility, service, charity, faith, and gratitude. 

But I realized...or more deeply understand tonight that each time we heal from an illness, our immune systems are stronger and that sometimes God uses that as a protection for us.

How many times has a previous sickness saved me major trouble/pain/heartache/etc. and I didn't even know it???

So thank you, Heavenly Father.  Thank you for protecting me and my loved ones.  And thank you for not getting upset with me when I whine and don't recognize what a great blessing you are giving me.

And now I just have to hope that he taught me that lesson tonight so I can more fully appreciate the next few weeks of health (knock on wood) and not so that I'm ready to get hit with another bout...

Hope you had a delightful Thanksgiving weekend!

Parenthood

It's tough being a parent. 

My heart must be a muscular mess after all the squashing, bursting, wrenching, swelling, stopping, breaking, and general emotional gymnastics motherhood has put it through.

The latest major incident to my heart came this past Tuesday.  My little Alligator fell off the swing and busted the back of his head open.  Thankfully, the bleeding slowed pretty quickly and I was able to get everyone to the doctor without incident. 

Though not the first time witnessing my child getting stitches, this was the first time any of them has had the numbing shots.  In the past, that cool gel stuff has been sufficient.

Watching my son endure such intense pain and trusting the adults so much that he lay still through the ordeal was heart-breaking. 

There was my son going through something so painful.  I knew that in just a few minutes the pain would be gone and then the steps could be taken to make sure his skin healed properly and quickly.  In the long run, this was the very best thing for him even though it had to hurt so much. 

I knew that.  I knew it was best for him. I knew that the pain would soon be gone. 

But he didn't.

Watching him cry and shake while I tried to assure him that he would soon feel so much better and that it was almost over made all my insides feel heavy.  Even though I knew everything would be okay very soon, I was ready to cry right along with him.

And even now, days later, when I think of what he did after they stopped numbing him, I get a bit choked up.  I was kneeling next to him and he turned his little head toward me and locked his sad eyes so full of tears on mine and in a hurt little voice he simply said, "That hurt."

Knife to the heart.

Oddly enough (or not), one of the first things that ran through my head in those heart-breaking moments was how hard it must be to be Heavenly Father.  I know that he knows what is best for each of us.  I now also know more firmly that he hurts for us and with us when we're struggling through our trials. I know he's not up there saying, "Quit yer belly-achin'; this'll do you good."  He doesn't like us being in any kind of pain any more than we do.  And I can't imagine all the heartache he endures watching us. 

It's tough being a parent.

I'm thankful my son is healing well.  I'm thankful his injuries weren't any worse.  I'm thankful he still trusts me after taking him to the doctor.  I'm thankful for the crazy journey motherhood has put me on.  And I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father.

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

Here are things I'm thankful for lately:

September.
Temperatures staying in the 60s or 70s for most of the day.
Scriptures.
Old Navy maternity jeans.
Good men.
Imaginative, silly, sweet, forgiving, resilient, confident, wonderful sons (despite the intense bout of deafness they seem to be suffering from when it comes to my voice...).
Books.
Warm showers.
Anticipation of putting up my autumn decorations.
Quick responding policemen who stopped the crazy woman in the street.
That even though I can't lay comfortably anywhere else, my bed still offers a place of refuge for my achy self.
Prayer.
Cool breezes through open windows.
The smell of freshly cut grass.
That the third annual Family Celebration starts next week.
Cooked carrots.
Watching my boys run through the grass in the sunshine with smiles lighting their faces.
The satisfaction of watching clean laundry swaying on the line in a breeze.
Looney Tunes.
Applesauce.

and finally-

Heavenly Father for hearing me, Jesus for healing me, and the Holy Ghost for comforting me.

What are you thankful for today??????

Gratitude

Few things give me a big ol' surge of gratitude like seeing a bunch of blankety-blank in the world.

Speeding, weaving driver coming all too close to hitting my car?  Boy am I thankful I've never been slammed into; especially with my kids in he car.

Blazingly hot summer day?  Ahhhhhhhh, air conditioning.

Someone is setting off fireworks loud enough and strong enough to shake my windows at 11 pm?  I am so lucky I don't live in a war zone.
Hearing/reading a story of husbands and wives in the range from not helping each other at all to abuse?  I loooooooooooooooooooove my husband!!!!!

My neighborhood smells like marijuana?  I'm so glad I've never lived with any drug addicts or alcoholics.

Stupidity that makes me want to hit my head against a wall?  I am beyond thankful that I don't have to deal with stupidity on a regular basis.

I live such an idyllic life and I am thankful for it.

AND!  I got to meet my four-almost-five month old niece on Monday.  Sweet as can be! 

There was a moment involved in that night, too.  The boys and I were the last ones to arrive and met Bret there from work.  I walked in and he was holding her and chatting with my brother.  The sweetness and the hotness of such a sight 'bout did me in:)  I am very excited to be carrying our baby and very much looking forward to seeing my amazing husband holding our own little one again.

What are you thankful for today?

There was a moment...

God has a sense of humor. I swear He was laughing with me during the moment this afternoon.

There I was, trying my darndest to practice the piano.

I was plunking my way through "I'm Trying to be like Jesus;" my very first stab at a 6/8 song.

I can handle sight reading 4/4 time pretty well, but the 6/8 requires reaching further back into the recesses of my brain for the knowledge that was once right at the forefront (about 11 years ago).

I've found it easier to get the rhythm right if I sing the song in my head while playing the notes instead of trying to count the beat.

So I was singing in my head and playing the notes...and then I played an e when I should have played an e flat.

Sourrrrrrr note!

Not so funny in and of itself.

No, the funny part comes when I tell you that the word underneath that note was "wrong."

Get it?!?:)

I'm singing to myself and right when I played that wrong note I'm also singing the word "wrong!"

I started giggling right there.

And honestly, it seemed as if someone else was having a good chuckle about it right with me.

It's nice to be reminded that He has a sense of humor.

Had any moments lately that you'd like to share?

There was a moment...

...today when driving my boys to a play in the big city.

A-HA's classic "Take on me" was playing on the radio.

At one of my glance-in-the-baby-mirror(yes, I have no babies, but I still love to see all my boys while I drive. Don't judge;))-to-make-sure-everyone's-happy checks, I did a double take.

For the next few minutes I secretly spied on my twins and smiled, smiled, smiled.

Al was lip-syncing his little heart out as well as someone who doesn't know the lyrics can.

Goose was air drumming like a master.

They were having a silent rock session and it was hilarious, joyful, and a proud moment to watch.

They're only four, but they certainly have a grasp of rhythm.

I love having little boys:)

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday!

And a strange one to be sure.

There's a bunch of blankety-blank going on in life and by all accounts I should be quite unhappy, have high blood pressure, and feel completely worn out.

Life stinks, I'm tired, my kids are sick (and I don't feel so hot myself), etc. etc. etc.

It's quite clear that I am being sustained. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have sufficient faith and can "shoulder the burden." (knock on wood;))

Every time the doubts and fears thoughts start- they stop and I think, "no...it'll be okay. Everything will be okay."

This doesn't take away all the frustration or worry or whatever. But wow does it make a world of difference in my attitude.

I'm thankful for faith. For hope. For marriage.

Seriously, how cool is marriage?! A relationship of, among so many other things, balance. Give and take, push and pull, support and lean. I am so thankful to be on the teeter-totter with Bret.

And I'm also very thankful that I can listen to prophets speak in just two days. And for the technology that allows me to listen in the comfort of my home with my loud boys:)

Life is good.

Life is hard.

But life is really, really good:)

What are you thankful for today?

P.S. There was a moment this afternoon. Al came up to me and said, "Mommy, I need to sit with someone. Can I sit with you?" Without looking at him or breaking stride in my current task I said, "Just let me finish this and I'll sit with you." Al looks up with sad eyes and says, "But Moooooom...why?" (yes it was whiny, but can you blame the kid?) I looked back at him and thought, "Ummm, well...I don't have a good answer for that."

So I picked him up and we sat for a while and I relished his warmth and thought how lucky I am to have this stage of life and that my boys still like to sit with me.

And to think, I almost missed the moment! Learn from me- slow down and sit with your kids:)

Thankful Thursday. It's official-

I'm sappy.

There. I said it.

It became quite clear to me just a couple days ago that I have quite high levels of sappiness.

See, there's this song.

It's a Christmas song that I grew up hearing, but didn't truly begin to appreciate until my later teen years.

Once I moved out "on my own," I would look forward to coming home for Christmas and putting that CD into the player and skipping to number three to hear the best version of "Angels We Have Heard on High" e v e r.

Imagine my shock when just a few years ago I could not find the CD in the cupboard and no one seemed to know what I was talking about.

WHY hadn't I taken the time to figure out what CD I was listening to all those years?? My song was gone and I had no idea how to find it because I had no clue who performed it. You'd think in this day and age it'd be super easy to find what I was looking for. Well then, you try to find the right version of such a classic hymn. Needle in the proverbial haystack, indeed.

Recently, I was lamenting to my younger brother (who was on his mission back when I discovered the CD missing so he didn't know my plight) that I missed listening to that song, but I didn't know who played it so I couldn't find it.

He looked at me and said simply, "Is that the one with the french horns at the end?"

*heart.stopped* "Yes...you remember it, too?!"

"Yeah. And I think I have it. Want it?"

"YES!"

On Tuesday, he emailed it to me and I tried not to get my hopes up as I clicked on the link to listen to it. Immediately, I recognized it as my long lost song.

I'd been having a bummer of a day, but in that moment this intense feeling of gratitude flooded over me as I got lost in this beautiful song.

I thought about how lucky I was to live in a time when I could experience such amazing music at the touch of a button. I thought about how much I love good music. I thought about how lucky I was to have a brother who pays attention to the details, loves music, and has built a massive collection of amazing songs including ones we both (unbeknownst to me, aka- the oblivious one) loved in our youth (this is not the first time he's helped me find a song). I thought about how ridiculous I was to be crying because the music was so gorgeous...

The intense feeling peaked, along with the music, and I felt like Heavenly Father was saying, "For you, Lindsey." I forget it easily, but that little moment reminded me that Heavenly Father loves me, that he knows me, that he's mindful of me, and that I am doing the right thing with my life.

And so today, I am thankful for music, for brothers, for technology, and for tender mercies.

What are you thankful for today?

P.S. In case you were wondering, it's "Angels We Have Heard on High" from the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra's Joy to the World album.

It happens every time.

I walk out of the shop and into the sunlight and it's all I can do to keep my shoulders from drooping.

New glasses.

When it comes to new glasses, I have a hard time not seeing the glass as half empty. Nothing says, "Man, your eyes are awful," like sharp, clear vision.

Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to have these new glasses. I've had the same ones since Jonzy was about six months old. I am very happy to have entered the world of current eye wear. They're cute, they're trendy, and I'm extremely grateful that I have these glasses to help me see.

When I was young and would get new glasses or contacts, I would always be so excited at the new details that I could see. I was always surprised at how much I hadn't realized I wasn't seeing before my newer, stronger prescription. It was fun opening that door, stepping into the sunlight, and seeing the world through new eyes (sunlight makes all the difference:)).

Then I became a teenager and it wasn't so much fun anymore. I realized that every time I went to the optometrist, I needed a stronger prescription. My eyes have been deteriorating for decades now and it's an emotional hurdle for me.

I hate not being able to see. I envy people who can. I hate not being able to read if I'm wearing contacts, so I rarely wear them. I hate that drastic blur around the edges of my glasses. I hate the headaches I get as my brain gets used to a new way of seeing, a new border around the discernible vision, and the muscles of my face adjust to the new accessory. I hate fumbling for my glasses in the dark of night when someone needs me. I hate squinting at the clock to see what time it is when I wake up in the middle of the night.

I hate knowing that I'm making a big deal out of something that is not only inconsequential, but fixable.

I'm not blind. I can see. I can behold the beauty of my surroundings that are the source of tender mercies. Well, not the source, but you know what I mean. I can see color and shape and the sparkle in my boys' eyes. We can afford to get glasses so that I can see these things more clearly. Lots of other people have broken eyes, too, so I don't have to be a social outcast;) And beyond that, I know that my eyes will be perfect one day.

I think I will always fight off some sadness and jealousy when I get a stronger prescription or when I notice the difference between my eyes and someone else's. And I will always wonder if I'm seeing the world differently than someone with normal, healthy, and strong eyes.

But it sure is nice to know that it won't always be like this. Plus, the change wasn't as drastic this time. Turns out, my eyes didn't really weaken any more so much as they changed shaped and gave me some more astigmatism. Maybe a break from the deterioration is on the horizon!

Now, I think I better go get something for this headache;)

P.S. You should hop over to We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice in Christ. There's lots of awesomeness going on with the Book of Mormon Forum this month.

Sing it, Perry

"Magic Moments" as sung by Perry Como is one of my favorite happy songs. As inspired by this post, I wrote my own set of lyrics to the classic tune. Check them out at the end of the post.

Motherhood to me is found and defined in the moments.

The moments that keep me going, the moments that make me feel like a mole facing a hammer in that classic arcade game, the moments that give me glimpses of the future, the moments that catapult me into the depths of fear of endless failure, the moments that feel like part of heaven.

Motherhood is moments.

A little hand slipping into mine while we walk from the bedroom to the kitchen, just because he wants to be close to me.

The dinner reaction. From, "Yuck! I hate that, Mom!" to "We're having THAT for dinner?! I LOVE you, Mom!"

Realizing that my but-he's-only-six! year old is already wanting to not be around me and that moment of euphoria when I realize all is not lost and I still have some time as he's skipping next to me because we're off to do something, just the two of us, and he's so happy about it.

Moments between a whiny "whyyyyyyyyyy?" and my response.

Big smiles and bright eyes.

Painful kisses. Who knew a three year old roughly grabbing my head and turning it to an uncomfortable angle so he could plant a soft one on my cheek could be so awesome?

"I luhz oo, Mom"s.

Smells. The you-need-a-bath! smells, the I-don't-even-want-to-know-what's-causing-that-smell-but-have-to-hunt-it-down-to-stop-it-in-case-it's-an-environmental-hazard smells, the hugging-a-clean-boy-in-freshly-laundered-clothes smells, the you-just-brought-me-a-dandelion-and-a-huuuuge-smile smells, etc. etc.

Embarrassing, "yes...that's my child" moments and proud "That's my boy!" moments.

Oodles and buckets and floods of witnessing firsts.

Motherhood moments keep me on my toes and I love them. All of them. They're getting me closer to the end goal of eternal life. Even the moment when Al comes down the stairs to me instead of the ten steps from his room to the bathroom resulting in him throwing up on the stairs. Cleaning up more vomit must surely increase my endure to the end levels and getting me that much closer to the pearly gates;) And the kicker in that moment: though we're constantly coaching the kids to run to the bathroom if they feel they're going to lose it, his innate reaction to seek out Mom for comfort and help when something goes awry superseded all else. That's love:)

That's motherhood. And I love it!

This post is part of MamaBlogga's October Group Writing Project, Motherhood to me...Join us!

P.S. Have you had any moments you'd like to share?

Mommy Moments

Mommy moments, when two boys are sharin'
Mommy moments, mem'ries of tempers flaring.

I'll never forget the moment he shoved that girl on
the hay ride
The way that her mom muttered an’ glared while I tried to
hide my pride

CHORUS

Mommy moments, mem'ries we’ve been sharin’
Mommy moments, when brothers are caring
I can't erase the sharpie marks
These mommy moments are filled with love

The sleep that I’ve lost with you throwing up for hours
and hours
The smile on your sweet little face when you
pick me flowers

CHORUS

(The way that we cheered whenever you made it
on time to the bathroom)
The time that you plugged the sink and it rained
all over the family room.
(The endless band-aids, the games that we played, the fun
and surprises)
A life that is full of trying to cope with whatever
arises

Mommy moments filled with love

[Clarification: the little girl initiated the shoving and Jonzy wasn't going to put up with it. And yes, it really did rain in our family room.]

What's not to love?

The temperature has taken a dramatic dive in the last two days.

Some locals are already complaining about skipping autumn and getting dumped into winter.

I say, "What's not to love about this weather???"

Out come the long sleeves and hoodies. Chilis, soups, and comfort foods. Laughing with your boys as you breathe visible air. That feeling of breathing in cold air through your nose. Umbrellas. Boots. Yellows, oranges, reds, and browns every where. And two words: crunchy. leaves. :)

I LOVE this weather!

But...as I drove on the freeway through the rain this morning, I was beginning to not like this weather so much. My tires couldn't keep their traction. We weren't sliding anywhere, but the car was jerking along as we would continually lose traction and (oh-so-thankfully!) regain it. The windshield wipers were going. Many a car around me seemed to have forgotten their headlights and I kept getting surprised at cars in blind spots or behind me that crept up through the rain without warning. Just as I was getting ready to curse the weather, I looked in the baby-view mirror (yes, I still have it even though I have no babies. I've gotten used to seeing my kids in it and I don't like not having it.) beneath our rearview mirror. The sight was wonderful and right then, there was a moment...

Goose, bundled up in a cute little hoodie, was hugging a white and blue plush cow. His mouth was slightly open and in an unconscious half smile. His eyes were so bright with wonder, awe, and happiness. There he was, cozy and warm in the car with his cow and completely enthralled with the sight of the rain and wipers going on the windshield.

I love moments like that. And I love that my boys and I can help each other in our love of the seasons (or anything). I can help them discover and nurture that love and they remind me often of the simpler things and the bigger picture and why I loved them in the first place.

I love autumn! I am so thankful for it and this chilly change:)

What are you thankful for today?