Anyone else out there look at other people's struggles and think, "I could never do that. They are so strong." ???
But really, the fact is- if you were in their shoes, you'd likely be just as strong.
I mean what else are you going to be?
If you suddenly find yourself single, or unemployed, or crippled, or, or, or...what else are you going to do but pick up pieces and trudge on?
I suppose you could always end your life. But let's just not do that, eh?
On a much smaller and less dramatic scale, I have been discovering some of my own strengths. There have been so many times in the last few months when I just wanted to give up.
I get tired. Tired of being the cheerleader, tired of being the referee, tired of being the coach (my life is just one big sports metaphor), tired of being the maid, tired of being the judge, jury, and enforcer, tired of being the nurse, and now I'm tired of making this list. You get the idea.
Life is draining.
But when I get to the point that I start thinking about just stopping, I (ever so thankfully) realize that life is not about me and someone would suffer if I dropped whichever metaphorical ball is giving me the most grief. And so I keep going.
I keep going. Even when I thought, "That's it. I can't do it anymore." And when I make that choice to keep going, oddly enough I have the strength needed. It works in every single aspect of life.
Funny ol' world, innit?
Anyway. All that to say, I've been pushed to the wall so many times in the last couple months and always found it give once I've determined to keep going.
This morning I was faced with another wall.
I glared at the wall.
I stuck out my tongue and kicked that stupid wall.
I leaned against the wall and moped at its existence.
And then I decided to do something productive, but different; just to change things up. I cleaned out a long ignored cupboard.
In it I found the interview I'd done with my dad about his years in the Navy, drawings and doodles from five year old Jonzy-boy, the clippings from the twins' first haircuts that I thought I'd lost, and the notes from Al's and Goose's baby blessings that I also thought I'd lost (and kicked myself for so many times!).
Yeah, I cried.
I found the notes about ten seconds into the job. I look for them every six months or so, the last search being two months ago. As soon as I spotted the notebook, God told me, "there it is." I gasped and snatched it then started thumbing through it to confirm if it was or not. When I landed on the right page, the emotions flooded and that wall jumped back a few yards.
It moved further away with every lost item discovered.
It makes me so happy to get nods from upstairs. I love reminders that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my silly struggles.
Even though I wish it was bedtime now;)