Wednesday, February 16, 2011

You think you know a guy...

I was planning on culminating my posts on depression with a spiritually slammin' finish. I've decided that was a silly idea. Why go on and on and finish with the key? Why not acknowledge the key right from the off so it can be used throughout?

Well, I'm sorry I didn't do such acknowledging before. I hope I can make up for it now, but I think it's impossible to do this subject justice and I welcome any additions you have.

I'm here to tell you that without Jesus, I might as well be running myself into a brick wall over and over with my own efforts to conquer depression. This fight has taught me more about the Atonement and my Savior than anything else.

Yes, even more than motherhood.

I wondered for a long time why that was, still do in fact. Motherhood is the biggest challenge I've ever faced; one that doesn't end and I doubt I'll ever feel like a master of. I could not be the mother I am or accomplish an eighth of what I do without the support and strength and inspiration and tender mercies of Heavenly Father and Jesus.

I've felt the power of the Atonement often in my struggles with my role as a mother.

Why then has this depression junk struck more chords and helped me to understand the Atonement on a deeper spiritual plane than ever before?

Honestly...I don't know.

What I do know is that I comprehend in a whole new way that I am nothing without Christ.

That he is everything.

That he is the only way back to the Father.

That he gets me.

That he knows my mind better than I do.

That he's right there waiting to help me if only I ask (and often, even when I'm too prideful and I don't).

That he responds immediately when I ask.

That he perfectly understands my heartbreaks and joys.

And that he LOVES me!

From my earliest memories I have been taught about Jesus, what he did for me and you, how no one understands me better than him, and His life and ministry. I thought I understood. I thought I knew him. I thought we were pretty close.

But I know now that I barely know him at all. I have a feeling I've only begun to crack the shell to understanding Jesus Christ and the Atonement. Part of me is a bit terrified of that...(what else will I have to endure to find out more?) and part of me is yearning for more (Seriously? It gets even better?!?! I want that!).

So I suppose I am grateful for depression and how it made me see more clearly that there are things that can't possibly be overcome without Jesus. More things than not!

He is the way, the truth, and the light!

I've loved this scripture for at least a decade. It's come to mean even more to me in the past few years.

Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things.
Alma 26:12

Please, add to this. What have you learned about Jesus through your struggles? Share scriptures, hymns, thoughts, ideas- anything! I want to know what you know, too!

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