I'm feeling discouraged.
I've been on my feet for longer than I ought much too often this week, been paying for it for a couple days now...and still staying on my feet too much. Braxton Hicks and seizing hips are the norm. And that's discouraging.
The morning sickness ache is coming back in waves. That's discouraging.
Mopping hurts (in what world does the easy task of mopping hurt?!?!). Walking up the stairs leaves me winded and blood pounding in my head. That's discouraging.
I'm slow. I limp everywhere. I can't do much of anything with efficiency anymore. There are so many tasks I want to accomplish at home and at the end of the day, despite all the effort and time on my feet, they mock me in their unfinished state. That's discouraging.
In its relaxed state, my face takes on an I-don't-care-about-anyone-but-myself expression. I catch myself looking like I hate life when I notice people looking at me and I hate giving off that impression. I don't hate life and truly, I'm fine. But I can't seem to remember to smile just because anymore. That's discouraging.
And finally, the elections this week have made it clear that America will never again be what it was nor what it was intended to be. And that's very discouraging.
It occurred to me late Tuesday evening that the growing majority of American people remind me eerily of the members of the LDS church who want to change the Church and/or doctrine to better suit their wants.
I just don't understand why there are people who want to be part of an organization that is founded on things they vehemently disagree with.
If one thinks practicing homosexuality is fine or wants women ordained to the priesthood, why is one claiming membership to a church which so clearly states the opposite?
I don't get it.
But this is what I see is happening in my church. And this is what I see is happening in my country.
The United States of America is populated by a majority that wants to change it.
I don't get it!
If one thinks that the federal government should control the states and give people everything they need just because they exist, why is one in the USA? There are so many places in the world where the government does just that. Why don't they go live the way they want to and leave my country be? Why must they insist on forcing that change here? Where am I left to live the way I want to once they succeed in changing America into just another bankrupt government.
Yep. I'm discouraged.
But there is something that I take heart in since that realization on Tuesday. Though it is likely that the majority will get the change they want here in America- try as they may, the like-minded members of my church will not.
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A church solidly founded on the gospel of Jesus Christ. A gospel that has never and will never change.
No matter the amount of signed petitions delivered to Church Headquarters. No matter the dissenting speeches made from pulpits, in classes, on blogs, or among neighbors. No matter the immature mocking (or if it comes to it, persecution). No matter the amount of people who decide to leave the membership and devote their lives to anti-Mormonism.
You can't change the gospel of Jesus Christ. And you can't change His church.
I am so grateful for that immovable foundation in my life. I am so thankful that I can trust in that.
And I'm grateful that even though I keep running into brick walls as far as my physical capabilities go versus my responsibilities and desires, life is currently simple enough that I can still catch some time with my feet up a few times a day.
I love my helpful sons (even though 90% of the time their help is accompanied by whines:)). I love my supportive husband. I love my body for not completely giving out on me. I'm thankful for a van to get my family places too far to walk. I'm grateful for a lovely home that's serving us so well. I'm grateful for my dishwasher. I'm thankful for uneventful nights. I'm thankful for the opportunity and priviledge to vote. And I'm thankful for my membership in the Church.
What's a little discouragement now and then? It's a good life.
What are you thankful for?