Parenthood

It's tough being a parent. 

My heart must be a muscular mess after all the squashing, bursting, wrenching, swelling, stopping, breaking, and general emotional gymnastics motherhood has put it through.

The latest major incident to my heart came this past Tuesday.  My little Alligator fell off the swing and busted the back of his head open.  Thankfully, the bleeding slowed pretty quickly and I was able to get everyone to the doctor without incident. 

Though not the first time witnessing my child getting stitches, this was the first time any of them has had the numbing shots.  In the past, that cool gel stuff has been sufficient.

Watching my son endure such intense pain and trusting the adults so much that he lay still through the ordeal was heart-breaking. 

There was my son going through something so painful.  I knew that in just a few minutes the pain would be gone and then the steps could be taken to make sure his skin healed properly and quickly.  In the long run, this was the very best thing for him even though it had to hurt so much. 

I knew that.  I knew it was best for him. I knew that the pain would soon be gone. 

But he didn't.

Watching him cry and shake while I tried to assure him that he would soon feel so much better and that it was almost over made all my insides feel heavy.  Even though I knew everything would be okay very soon, I was ready to cry right along with him.

And even now, days later, when I think of what he did after they stopped numbing him, I get a bit choked up.  I was kneeling next to him and he turned his little head toward me and locked his sad eyes so full of tears on mine and in a hurt little voice he simply said, "That hurt."

Knife to the heart.

Oddly enough (or not), one of the first things that ran through my head in those heart-breaking moments was how hard it must be to be Heavenly Father.  I know that he knows what is best for each of us.  I now also know more firmly that he hurts for us and with us when we're struggling through our trials. I know he's not up there saying, "Quit yer belly-achin'; this'll do you good."  He doesn't like us being in any kind of pain any more than we do.  And I can't imagine all the heartache he endures watching us. 

It's tough being a parent.

I'm thankful my son is healing well.  I'm thankful his injuries weren't any worse.  I'm thankful he still trusts me after taking him to the doctor.  I'm thankful for the crazy journey motherhood has put me on.  And I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father.

What are you thankful for today?