Turns out, I fail when it comes to forgiveness.
I've known it's not one of my strong points. But I realized this weekend that it's not just a weakness, I really am awful at forgiving. I can handle forgiving most trivial things, but if it gets any bigger or repetitive or attacks something close to my heart...
Ever so thankfully, I've never really been tragically hurt or offended or anything requiring deep-down forgiveness. I hope I never am, but I don't think I'll be able to escape that part of this life.
And how can I expect people to forgive me if I'm not trying to grant it myself to those who need it from me?
If I ever have hope of learning to forgive the big stuff, I've got to figure out how to take care of the little things.
Forgiving people who were/are cruel to people I love.
Forgiving people who say unkind things to me.
Forgiving people who lie to me.
Forgiving people who misjudge me.
Forgiving people who justify bad things.
I do, however, seem to have a knack of forgetting most infractions. Comes in handy for my day to day living, but not so great for my eternal hopes. Plus it's annoying to be going about life and suddenly remember something and realize, "Ouch. That still stings."
And yet, I don't hold grudges. I think the only reason I don't hold grudges is because I honestly forget these things, remember them every so often, and promptly forget them again.
Maybe that's my problem. Maybe if I had a more solid memory, I'd be more adept at forgiving because something would be on my mind until I actually forgave. Or maybe the poor memory is a blessing and part of forgiveness that I don't realize I'm doing...I'd like to think that, but that won't lead to much progression now will it? 'Course not:)
P.S. Lately all three of my boys have started regularly telling me they love me. From Jonz it's a very clear and exuberant, "I love you, Mom!" Sometimes followed by a comment like, "You're beautiful," or "Your hair is fine!":) From Al it's more often a softly spoken, "I luhz you, Mom." And from Goose it's a smiley, "I luhloo, Mom!" I love this new phase they're all in:):):)
There was a moment yesterday when the Gooseman (looking super cute with his floppy hair hanging over the gauze wrapped around his head to protect his recently surgically invaded ear from curious fingers) grabbed me around the neck, hugged me tight, and said, "I luhloo, Mom," in my ear. It was pretty much heaven:)
Have you had any moments lately?