A story that spans more than four years.
It started when Al and Goose were just a few days old. I remember sitting in the rocking chair and telling God, "That's it. I'm done. I'm never doing this again. I can't do it now, no way I'm going to do it again. I don't care what you say, we are never having any more babies."
In the coming months as I matured, survived, learned, and felt stronger, I repented of such thoughts. And though terrified of the idea of living through another pregnancy-cesarean-newborn season, I was willing to...but only if we received a divine manifestation from heaven that that is what our family was supposed to do. Like, angelic visits level of manifestation (okay, not that big; but something definitely stronger than the previous times).
My doctor recommended waiting "two or three years" before trying to get pregnant again to give my uterus time to heal from carrying twins and having a c-section. I was more than willing and when two years rolled around I was determined that three was better and I'd still wait for unsollicited direction from God. Three years came and went and I began to wonder if I was being selfish and untrusting. I waffled for a few months before finally asking Heavenly Father for the courage to ask what the future was for our family. Because honestly, I didn't want to hear either answer. I was scared at the prospect of having more children and I was sad about the possibility that we were done.
It took a long time to build up the courage to ask that question, but as the months went by with no answer I became frustrated. I just needed to know one way or the other.
For some reason, we weren't ready for an answer. It wasn't until we took a leap of faith and turned down a job offer that Bret received the guidance we were rarely asking for anymore.
Bret. The one who said he'd never ever be ready again and just to tell him when I had an answer. That guy. The answer came to him. (I'm not jealous...;))
Bret had called me earlier in the day to tell me that the job had indeed been offered and he had turned it down like we'd concluded to the previous evening. It wasn't easy, but I was proud of him.
I was super confused when he called me that afternoon and told me with a bit of surprise in his voice that we needed to go to the temple. That night. I was thinking that he'd gotten a call back asking him to reconsider a better offer and now he was unsure of the answer he'd gotten the night before. As I stuttered questions trying to clarify what was going on he shocked the heck outta me by saying he'd been weight lifting on his lunch break when he'd been prompted that it was time for us to move forward.
That's when I had to sit down.
For having prayed for an answer for a long time, we were both pretty shocked to be faced with an answer.
A few small miracles led to us being able to get to the temple that night. It was a beautiful experience that I'm keeping close to the heart.
That was back in the beginning of February of this year. It's now the beginning of August. And here's where we are now:
"Yes sir, that's my baby."
Half way there to meeting the newest member of our family:)
There's much more I want to share, but I'll end this mammoth post by saying I'm thankful for life, for forgiveness, for temples, for faith, for my boys, for this new baby, for family, for prayer, for a patient Father in heaven, and for my wonderful husband.
What are you thankful for today?