Thursday, August 23, 2012

Proof vs. Doubt

Here's a post mostly for my own sake, but also for anyone curious about the kinds of things that go through my head.

I've been anxious about how many babies I'm carrying this time.  My intuition has told me from the beginning that there's just one baby in there.

But there's been a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that I just can't seem to silence.  And so I continue to look for proof to settle my nerves...and all proof has fallen short of being positive.

Proof #1
My heart tells me there's just one.

Doubt #1
I've had two in there before; it's not impossible for it to happen again.

Proof #2
One of the first things my doctor said to me at my first prenatal appointment was a quip about perhaps this time was twins again.

To which I replied, "I was kinda hoping you'd tell me there's just one in there."

To which my husband replied, "Actually we were hoping you would tell us it's triplets."

To which I replied with a swift punch on the shoulder.

Doctor rolled in his little sonogram machine and at the end of our little viewing he said, "Well, I've looked around in there long enough to be sure there's only one."

Doubt #2
Of course the reason he looked around so long was because someone had fiddled with the settings on this machine that 3 doctors share and he was having trouble getting a good picture...
I was only 8-9 weeks along at the time and the little baby was just a fuzzy peanut shaped blob on the screen.  What if his poor picture missed another one...

Proof #3
Doctor only hears one heartbeat at regular check ups.  And instead of expanding outward, my uterus hot shot right up into my abdomen where everything is nice and roomy; lots of space for a little one to float freely and easily.

Doubt #3
I'll feel movement at the top corner of my belly and then the opposite bottom corner in the next moment.  And I've been showing since around 6 weeks.

Proof #4
19 week ultrasound shows one lovely little babe growing just right.

Doubt #4
I have a friend who is pregnant with twins and they didn't find out until after their 20 week ultrasound was completed-finished-over-done and the tech asked if they wanted to see a little more of the baby.  They did, and suddenly the tech spots a twin!...

The proof is much stronger than the doubt.  But just to give myself a little more help conquering the doubt, I decided to take a picture to compare pregnant belly sizes.
Whew!  I for one feel better!

My tummy is obviously not as big as it was with twins, even though my poor stomach muscles that were unwillingly parted from one another have made it appear that I'm farther along than I actually am.

One baby.

My baby.

How sweet it is:)

P.S. That doesn't mean being pregnant with and having twins isn't sweet.  Having survived the newborn twin stage once, this girl is looking forward to the experience of just one this time around.

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