Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Before I was a mom...

Before I was a mom, I knew what to expect.

Before I was a mom, I knew I'd be so great as a mother.

Before I was a mom, I'd get all warm and fuzzy at the sight of a baby sock. Seriously.

Before I was a mom, I knew what it meant to be tired.

Before I was a mom, I remembered everything; names, dates, facts, appointments-everything.

Before I was a mom, I was sooo patient.

Before I was a mom, I had conversations in my head with people whose children were screaming in public about how to properly handle the situation and raise their children right because they were obviously messing up big time.

Before I was a mom, I was so busy. School, church, apartment, work, social interaction. Whew! The to-do list was so long!

.....................................

Now I am a mom and I know that I the only thing I can expect is the unexpected.

Now I am a mom and I pray daily that my kids turn out well in spite of me.

Now I am a mom and I fight the urge to scream when an odd number of socks come out of the dryer...And I do a happy dance when I find a missing sock hidden in a folded sheet.

Now I am a mom and I KNOW what it means to be tired. People ask me how I am and I no longer reply fine. My standard reply is, "tired."

Now I am a mom and the only way I'm going to remember something is if I have two solid minutes of absolute quiet so I can search my brain for it (and even that's not a guarantee). You can guess how often that happens.

Now I am a mom and I struggle moment by moment for the necessary patience. I was no where near patient in my pre-mom days.

Now I am a mom and the conversations are still there. Except they only last a few sentences before I realize what I'm doing, shake my head at my stupidity, cast a commiserating smile at the poor embarrassed parents of a public screamer and get my focus back on my own screamers and embarrassment.

Now I am a mom and I realize that I did not know the meaning of busy. There's normal person busy and then there is mom-busy. The to-do list is infinitely long and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to cross everything off.

I have only been a mom for four years. Four short years. Not even a fifth of my life. And yet those four years have brought me more and taught me more than the previous years combined. It's absolutely incredible how much I've learned in four years. It's even more amazing how much joy I've experienced in four years. Though there are things I miss about the years before I was a mom, I don't ever want to go back to them again. These years as a mom are immeasurably better!

This post was written as part of MamaBlogga's August Group Writing Project. Come join in the fun!

MamaBlogga Group Writing Project

3 comments:

Tracey said...

Love your post! I am so with you on the not remembering things! I have lists of lists in the hopes that I can keep it all together!!

Richelle said...

This is great!

Jordan (MamaBlogga) said...

Man, those first two just about make me cry. I thought I knew what to expect—I wasn't going to have one of those "What now?" moments when we came home from the hospital. (And I didn't—I was flat on my back with a spinal headache.)

I thought I'd make a good mother, but after this week, I spend more time wondering if maybe I was actually one of those people who shouldn't have children.

Sigh. It's been a long week.