Monday, January 24, 2011


I feel like there's a misunderstanding on what people go through when experiencing depression. I'd like to clear it up a little bit.

It's not just being sad.

In fact, sadness is often not part of the equation at all. The symptoms are across the board and often combine in discouraging ways.

Defined by the book, depression is sadness and inactivity. It gets so much deeper than that, though.

It's wishing all day to be in bed and sleeping, then not being able to get to sleep at night.

It's shoulder-crushing feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and complete inadequacy when facing one's responsibilities.

It's ridiculously irrational irritation at everything and everyone.

It's annoying headaches.

It's feeling completely numb. Not physically, and not I'm-doing-busywork-homework-and-not-engaging-my-brain-or-emotions numb, but feeling nothing/thinking nothing numb. That one is quite unnerving.

And the biggest one, in my opinion- It's finding one's ability to think and process gone, gone, gone. "Pregnancy brain" on steriods is the best way I can think to describe it. The mind is a jumbled mess of millions of random thoughts suffocating the one that you're trying desperately to hold onto. Decision making, conversations, reading, and even praying all become tremendously difficult and all but impossible. Very faith shaking.

It's a field day for that Satan punk. But I'll get in to that a different day. For now, I just wanted to clarify that depression isn't just being sad. And I mostly wanted to do that for fear of appearing weak to those who think it is just being sad. I am not weak. Neither is anyone else who experiences these things. Temptations don't mean a person is weak.

And speaking of temptation, I want to add something to supplement a previous post. It’s okay to get discouraged, to be sad. Going through life thinking every bad emotion is a sin will drive a person crazy. It’s the wallowing in it that is not okay. It’s the continually giving in or the refusing to come out that is not okay.

To close out this post, here's a scripture I've come to love-

Doctrine and Covenants 112:13 And after their temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them.

1 comment:

Emnacnud said...

hey, I think you were writing this post as I was reading the last depression post, I am still thinking you are right on. I think you are amazing for fighting back, for realizing that it is the wallowing that is so harmful, keep it coming you may need to write a book on this.