Thursday, June 4, 2009

Baring my soul in the name of record-keeping

Before I get started, I think we all ought to be on the same page. What follows is an account of something very special to me and which I don’t have the ability to give justice. That said, I hope you won’t think less of what I have to say just because I can’t say it well. This is something I've wanted to share for years. Now is as good a time as any and I can’t let my inadequacies keep me from it. Just know that it’s special and if you don’t think so, don’t tell me:)

There. Same page.

Way back in August of 2004, my oldest brother was sealed to his wife in an LDS Temple. It was an amazing ceremony and my first opportunity of being present at the sealing of a family member.

After the sealing, I had the opportunity to hug my brother. Dan hugged me tight and the tears I was already battling because of the happy occasion were pushed out. Then, just as we were about to let go of each other, Dan gave me an extra tight squeeze and something incredible happened. For the tiniest and briefest of moments Heavenly Father gave me a gift. I saw, or perhaps felt or sensed would be the better word, my family together in the eternities. With that came the feeling of the most exquisite joy I have ever felt in my life. It was as if Heavenly Father was showing me how happy he wants us to be, how happy we can be, and how my family had taken a step closer to that goal that day with my brother’s sealing. I like to imagine that I felt similar joy as I witnessed sealings taking place among my ancestors and parents before I was born and that perhaps this was just a lifting of the veil so I could experience what I had before.

As quickly as it began, it was over. Why? Because it was too much joy for my mortal body to handle.

Yep, I lost it.

Big time.

In general, I am not a pretty crier. I claim membership with the blotchy faced, runny nosed, strange-noise-emitting group of criers. This experience did nothing but make my crying ways worse. In addition to the spiritual things I learned that day, I also learned that you shouldn't try to take a deep, steadying breath to make yourself stop crying. You’ll only succeed in embarrassing yourself further. Don’t try to get a hold of yourself until your body has naturally calmed down. Better yet, just try to get away from people so as to avoid the embarrassment as much as possible. Don’t hang around just because your brother is getting married. Leave, compose, and then come back. You’ll save yourself a lot of regret.

So, this Thankful Thursday I am grateful to my brother for marrying in the temple which created the opportunity for higher learning. I’m grateful for a sister in law who didn't let the fact that I put an unexplained blubbering damper of a moment on the most important part of her wedding day keep her from ever talking to me again and instead has become a most cherished sister. I am thankful for such a wonderful family. And I am thankful to my heavenly Father for pouring out such a wondrous blessing and giving me a taste of what I am working toward. This experience has sustained me many times over the years.

And thanks to you for “hearing” me out and letting me share:) Feel free to join me on the Thankful Thursday Train!


Melanee said...

Your post reminded me of a quote from Elder Scott that I read when I was preparing for my mission that essentially said that when we take the time to record spiritual experiences/feelings/epiphanies that we have, it communicates to the Lord that we treasure them and enhances our likelihood of receiving more. Thanks for reminding me of that and for sharing something so personal and special even though it can be difficult to really recreate those kinds of feelings with words.

And I totally know what you mean about the whole crying thing. I think that having children has ruined--I mean changed my hormones forever because I feel like I choke up over everything nowadays.

Thanks for the post. I always get excited when "Thankful Thursday" pops up on my reader. :)

Richelle said...

What a great experience. I love the temple!

korth fam said...

Well now I'm crying thank you very much! I've never heard that story before Linds, thank you for sharing! Never in the briefest moment was I off put by your crying and I don't think you have need to be embarrassed because it didn't seem like blubbering to me at all! I thought you must have just felt the spirit (and indeed you did) I'm glad it was because of that and not because you were sad Dan was marrying me. :) I think you're wonderful and I love being your sister, I feel a close bond with you and I'm very glad that it gets to carry on in the eternities. I love you miss Lindsey! So there hope I got a little of my own back and made you cry too :)PS we are so going to party when you come out! miss you!