Thursday, January 19, 2012

Embracing my femininity

I'm taking part in TOFW's shoe party! (and doubling it up for Thankful Thursday...tricksy, tricksy)

And I can't believe I've come this far.

A shoe party.


I know.

I've been surrounded by men and boys for most of my life.

Growing up there was my dad, my mom, my three brothers, and me.

Now there's even less female influence in the house than I'm used to. There's my husband, my three sons...and me.


The lone woman in the house.

The only regular example of what women are and should be that my young sons have.

No pressure, Linds.

Growing up in such an environment, I wasn't what you'd call a girly-girl. Sure I've always loved being female and I definitely wouldn't call myself a tomboy. But I wasn't going to go out of my way to do girly things if it made me too different from my brothers.

My poor mother tried to lay that foundation when I was younger, but by the time I hit my teen years I think I had inadvertently taken a sledge hammer to that feminine foundation.

Why do my hair every day before school when I could sleep 20 more minutes and throw it in a ponytail?

Why paint my face with make-up that I'd have to worry if it still looked alright countless times throughout the day?

Why wear bright colors I'd have to wash all the time when blues, greens, etc. all would let me get at least two wears before needing a wash?

Why wear a dress and restrict my movement and comfort when I could wear jeans and be free to run, jump, and slouch on the couch?

Why buy that cute pair of shoes that would go with just a few outfits when I could buy a pair of tennis shoes to wear with everything?

That's where I was for many a year. Enjoying my womanhood, but not taking full advantage of it and thinking myself extremely practical.

One dress, two skirts (denim and khaki), one pair of dress shoes, mascara, eyeliner, a blow-dryer, one hair brush, and a plethora of hair elastics were all I had that showed there was any major difference between me and the rest of the fellas in the house.

These are the kind of shoes I'd dress up in for everyday things, when tennis shoes were just too casual:

Don't laugh. I still like them:)

And then, the changes started to happen a couple years ago.

Maybe it's because I began to subconsciously realized that, like I mentioned earlier, I am the one with biggest influence on how my boys see women. Among other things, I want them to understand that girls like to be pretty and elegant, and that we can also run around and be goofy.

Maybe it's because I have been getting less outside estrogen influence and subconsciously try to give myself my own fix by doing something girly.

Maybe it's because my boys are old enough to not need my c.o.n.s.t.a.n.t. attention and I can indulge in these things.

Maybe it's a combination of all that and more...

It started with a skirt.

Mom gifted me a skirt that flared a bit at the bottom (see? She didn't give up:)) and suddenly I was enjoying twirling on Sundays as much as a five year old girl.

Then, I actually learned how to apply eyeshadow after a Mary Kay party.

The biggest changes have come since last January. And the catalyst- a pair of shoes.

Boots, that is. These boots.
Are they practical? No! Are they hard to walk in? Yes! Do they hurt my feet if I wear them too long? YES! But. I. LOVE. them! I will be very sad when they wear out. I wear them until my feet hurt or I have to be moving around more quickly than they'll let me.

I can't get over the giddyness that I feel when I wear these boots. I feel so feminine when I wear them. I can't describe it better than that. It's a feeling I used to scoff at, but that I've come to love.

This last year I also discovered that my hair will curl and there are lots of ways to make it shiny, smooth, etc.

Now there's a curling iron, flat iron, various hair products, eyeshadows, blushes, lip glosses (I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll ever embrace lipstick;)), etc. to keep my blow dryer company.

My closet contains amounts of skirts, dresses, and pink and purple tops that teenage Lindsey would never have thought possible. I even own a couple pairs of tights now (deep breaths. don't go fainting on me now).

And my go to/everyday shoes?

Yes, folks. There's pink on those shoes.

I don't do myself up every single day. I still enjoy my ponytails and jeans and tshirts. But I find there are many days when I want to wear a dress or a skirt, just because. I like the "alone" time of styling my hair and "painting my face" while my boys make machine gun noises and growl at each other while running between the rooms of the house. And if I can find an excuse to wear a skirt and those boots, I'll take it:)

I like the way I feel so feminine these days.

I am so thankful to be a woman. I am so thankful for the things I've learned about being female in these last few years. Not only for the physical and material aspects of "pretty" that I can indulge in. But for the spiritual aspects as well. I love femininity!

I love being a woman!


3 comments: said...

i am exactly the same way! girly things have never stuck to me well. But, now that I am a wife I do like to try and be feminine for date night. I still haven't braved the heels, but I wear plenty of makeup!!

Emnacnud said...

Love this post, I can totally relate. It is fun to be a girl. And speaking of being girly our ward is having a valentines dance the 10th of feb, if you guys want to come it is for adults only and Joe is the DJ so it will way fun. Alisa and I will be dressing all formal like for prom I am really excited, let me know if you can/want to come. It will be a total excuse to be girly.

Jar and Steph said...

Fun, Lindsey! I have been wanting some shoes like unto the first pic on the post and also I've been craving a pair of nice boots ever since I first saw yours, they look amazing on you!! Sometimes, because of the way society judges women based on their bodies and clothes, I really like to rebel with a casual ponytail, jeans, and sneakers. (Okay, actually that's most of the time!!) It's my personal triumphant way of saying "take that, Sickos!" But then I realize that it is good to be feminine and being "feminine" is very different from what the world wants us to be - objects. Off my rant :) I really identify with this post lol my mom is WAY girlier than me too!!! keep me updated on how it's going! I'll prolly jump in and join you. It's about time, and Jar deserves it.