I've tried for over three weeks now.
Most of the time, it's worked.
But the past three days have been chipping away the last of my reserves.
The optimism is fading fast. The feelings of Christmas spirit are fleeting. And I'm highly tempted to give into the "it's been a major bummer of a Christmas season and life stinks" thoughts.
Jonz has been sick the entire month of December. He's struggling with asthma, is on his second round of steroids this month, and has developed a respiratory infection so we've added antibiotics to his daily meds regimen.
We had such a wonderful few months respite from the regular vomiting our boys take part in. It decided to come back with a vengeance this month.
I missed the Relief Society dinner because I was coughing and didn't want to spread whatever it was I had.
We missed the ward Christmas party because Jonz and Goose were sick.
We spend most evenings and weekends at home because someone is sick instead of going out to do fun Christmas things.
The closer Christmas gets, the more of us seem to get sick.
Holiday gatherings with friends and family have to be postponed or more often cancelled because of someone in our family being sick.
But really, beyond all the "missing out on Christmas fun" things is the fact that having sick kids just wears on a parent. I can only take so much of listening to them struggle to breathe, coughing fits in the middle of the night, cries of pain and fright between stomach heaves, and continually disappointing them by telling them they can't play and have to sit still, they can't go play with someone, and they can't eat anything yet because they threw up less than four hours ago. My four year old has a hard time understanding those things and has spent most of the month angry with me, and my two year olds just think I'm straight up being a jerk.
Even though it's not Thursday, I'm posting an attempt to remember all the good things this month has brought in the hopes that writing it out and publishing it will help it to stick out more in my mind. Ready?
Happy December times- Christmas 2009
Breakfast with Santa, uncle, and cousins this month
The successful hunt for a beautiful Christmas tree
Singing Christmas carols with Bret to the boys most every night
The way the house looks at night with all the lights Bret put up and our fireplace going
Sewing superhero capes with friends late one Tuesday evening
Christmas shopping as a family
Scoring gifts at lower prices than we budgeted for
The First Presidency Christmas Devotional
Driving through a fun lights display and enjoying an evening with college friends
Bret's company Christmas party
Opening advent calendar doors with Jonzy
Peppermint ice cream
Hot chocolate and candy canes
Watching movies with Bret after the boys go to bed
Starting that puzzle that I don't know if I will finish
Hanging out late into the night with my siblings
That reminders of the Savior are everywhere I look and the strangest things remind me of his love
There have been many good and happy blessings this month. Really, it's a fairly normal month I think, but the holiday festivities make for starker contrast. I'm feeling better:) I think I'll go lay down with my four year old for a few minutes.