Amazed

My little Trooper is nearly three months old.

I find it amazing how easily I slip into a feeling of normalcy with whatever patterns of life I find myself in.

For years I was afraid of having more children.  I always had this feeling, though, that if we did have more- surely, surely God would give me a break and bless me with a peaceful baby.  But...would he really...?  And so that fear stuck around, right through the first couple weeks of Trooper's life. 

He was calm, his cry was not hysterical screaming, and anything he cried about was easily discovered and remedied. 

Yet I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for him to behave in the ways I was used to babies behaving.  That exhausting, frustrating, insanity-creating way that I was used to.

I don't know why I was waiting for that shoe fall.  I'd prayed my heart out that Heavenly Father send us a peaceful baby.  I knew asking for such things was petulant.  But I didn't think I could handle another newborn phase like the ones I'd known.  I do know that he would have helped me and the baby through it should come to that...but... 

But oh-so-thankfully, he sent us Trooper.

A calmer, more peaceful, happy presence I have rarely known.  Never have I known it in an infant.  I mean for goodness' sake he's only gotten the hang of smiling in the last month!  And yet, just to be in the same room as him is soothing to the soul. 

I love him.

And I am thankful for the reminders I get that I am so lucky to have him.  Life with him seems normal already.  He's been sick in varying degrees for the last couple weeks.  Even through that he was true to his blog nickname.  But yesterday and today, he's finally up against a symptom he can't handle alone.  My poor boy's throat is congested, and sometimes his sinuses as well.  He just wants to be held (preferably upright so he can breathe a bit easier).  And all this holding, and back-patting, and bouncing, and swaying to try to soothe him throughout the day reminds me of all those months where Bret and I did this constantly.

I am so blessed to be this boy's mom.  I am so thankful for the peaceful existence he's had so far and for the confidence I have that he'll return to that once he's better.  He's a treasure.

What are you thankful for today?


FYI- Much focus has been placed on the subject of Trooper in this blog for many a month.  Don't fret about my other boys, my husband, or any other aspect of life that I have neglected to write about lately.  I love them all as deeply as ever.  It's just that this preoccupation with Trooper is like any new love.  I am smitten (and much of my time is consumed by his needs), and I write what's on my mind most, so obviously he will be my most frequent topic.  Deal;)