Thankful Thursday

Merry Christmas 2008!!!

Today, of course, I am thankful for my Savior. I am so grateful for the peace and joy that Jesus Christ brings to my life. For the love He shows me and those I love. For His atonement that makes it possible for me to repent and live with Him in the eternities. I'm grateful He forgives me. What a wonderful gift Heavenly Father has given to us all! May we all be grateful for our Heavenly Father and our Savior's love.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas:)

Wild weather

It's snowing. A lot. I love snow and I really love that it's looking to be a white Christmas. But I'd love snow a lot more if it came after my family was all home and safe. Until my husband gets home tonight, I'll be worrying. And until I hear that my brother's family arrived safely at my SIL's parent's house, I'll be worrying. At the very least, the ferocity of the storm seems to have passed and now we're enjoying the sight of softly falling snow.

This morning was a different story. The storm was blowing in this morning; that means wind. I hate wind. Hate it, hate it, hate it. There are a few reasons we don't live in Wyoming and the wind is number one for me. As it's trash day here, this morning I had to go outside and put the recycling can right side up at least ten times. Bits of trash litter the street and my yard. Adding injury to insult, the last time I placed the recycling a big gust of wind started blowing twigs off my tree and into my face. I covered my head with my arms as I turned back to the house and took a chunk of ice to the shoulder before I got back inside. Grrrrrr.

I tried to get all the necessary errands done before the snow came in. Silly me thinking I could get everything done in a reasonable amount of time:) I came out of the last stop to find slippery conditions and two inches of snow on my van. Oy. One long prayer later and we were all home safe.

Now we have only to get our main man safely home and we can enjoy the snow with some hot chocolate and a Christmas movie!

Thankful Thursday

Today I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. The older I get and the more people I come across, the more I understand the greatness of what I have. I'm grateful for the guidance, the knowledge, the peace, and the assurance the gospel gives me. What a gift!

Thankful Thursday

J following our tree off the lot.

This Thursday I am thankful that Christmas trees smell so heavenly. The smell of Christmas trees has to be one of the top five smells on my list. I love it, love it, love it. I'm grateful that this year our tree smells so wonderful. Last year's tree smell was weak and lasted for less than a week and the year before that our tree didn't smell at all! This year's tree seems to keep its smell concentrated in the living room because you get hit by it everytime you walk in. Oh, it's lovely! Come on over and smell our wonderful tree:)

A "don't read this book" recommendation

Alright. I did it. I read the Twilight series. And I have very mixed feelings about it. I really liked the story; it's an amazing story. But I think that this series strays too far into the realm of romance novels to be recommended.

No, there's no sex. I should say, there's no detailed sex; it's strongly implied. And yet the detail that the author goes into with the kissing and stroking is just too much. The first book was bordering on laughable with all the swooning and breath-taking, but as the story went on it just got too steamy. Call me a prude for thinking that reading about a kiss is too much, but there's no denying there was too much lust packed into those kisses. Just as looking at porn is dangerous for men (and women), reading about physical stuff is dangerous for women (and men).

It's a huge bummer because it really is a beautiful love story and the author wrote nothing that I don't feel for my own husband. But reading about those things is not a good idea, especially for these droves of married women who are now fantasizing about and lusting after a fictional character. That's definitely not healthy and it's very disappointing.

Nor is it a good idea for all these young girls who are joining in on the fantasizing. Books like this mess with expectations and reality in a bad way. It's hard to see all these girls out there who are "dying to marry someone just like Edward." It's even harder when they feel like that and they're also seeing their married mother do the same thing.

And so, I'm not joining the throng of Edward-lovers. If you want to read a love story, I recommend Pride and Prejudice. Twilight is too close to a romance novel.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful that I am not raising my boys 100 years ago, even 50 years ago. I am grateful to be in the here and now when access to a washing machine and dryer is fairly easy. A time when laundry detergents are quite good at getting things clean. A time when I have extra linens in the closet and more than a few outfits for each of my children.

Why? Because there is a certain stomach bug that is working it's way through each of my boys and it hit upon W with a vengeance last night. Because of these modern comforts, we were all able to get some sleep last night once W had emptied his stomach and we'd gone through many sheets and pajamas.

Instead of staying up all night scrubbing out linens and hanging them by the fire hoping they would be dry by the time we needed them again I was able to toss everything in the washer, wait up a bit longer, toss everything in the dryer and get some sleep. An extra blessing from having all these things, I was rested enough that when I went in to get the boys this morning I didn't burst a vein in frustration at finding A and his bed covered in the bane of my existence.

I can only imagine the kind of nights mothers used to have when their kids were sick with stomach viruses. I shudder to think of it.

In happier news, I'm also grateful for the sounds of Bing Crosby singing Christmas songs filling my home. Beautiful!

Anyone else want to jump on the Thankful Thursday train?

Originally written: December 4, 2008

Defending motherhood

Please excuse the excessive use of capital letters and exclamation points. I'm extremely passionate about all this...

During my reading of today's paper, I came across an article that sucked me in. The title included the words "women's role" and "controversy." Now you're hooked, right?:) So I read it, got very aggravated, and feel the need to respond by writing in this record-keeping blog, and reaching out to my little sphere of influence.

Here's a summary of the article for you (if you want to read the whole thing, email me and I'll send you a link):

-The general president of the LDS Relief Society (that's the Church's organization for women) gave an address on motherhood Oct. 2007.

-One year later there is still much discussion and disagreement on it. Some people are so incensed that they started a website to counter what Sister Beck said.

-A symposium was recently held where one topic discussed was titled: "Mormon Motherhood: Choice or Destiny?" [excuse me while I get some eye-rolling out of my system so I can get on with a mature response]

-Five presenters spoke for over an hour about their beliefs that Sister Beck's talk, and other messages on the same subject by LDS leaders, "narrow the role of women in the church by minimizing the contribution of those who don't have children and stay at home to raise them, whether by choice or through circumstances they can't control." (thoughts to follow on that)

-A question and answer session was held. (and that)

-Things are mentioned about the "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (and that)

-Quotes are given about feelings on motherhood. (and that)

-Ends by quoting one of the commenters and relating the scene that followed in the hallway after the presentation. One woman got up and said, "I'm a mother of five, I'm not a Ph.D. candidate, and that's not in my future. I've always had a very confident sense of self, and I attribute that to being raised in the church. I feel powerful. I don't need anything more than what I do, but I want that mutual respect [that panelists had discussed for those outside traditional LDS roles]." Apparently, several audience members sought her out in the hallway and had a "heated discussion" with the following quote involved, "You're a slave and you don't even know it."

Whaaaaaaat?! I can't express how disappointed I am. And about so many things! Sister Beck is a leader, called of God. Time and effort is much better spent listening to and applying what she says to our lives than getting offended and working against her (and by extension, God). I'm so disappointed that members of the LDS church would willfully and publicly cause such dissension. And mostly, I'm disappointed that SO MANY people are missing the mark. And instead of looking more intently for the mark, they berate others for trying.

Here's what one woman was quoted as saying (she starts by quoting an author that isn't named),
"We are fed up with the myth that it's the most honorable and important thing we do...and if you don't love every second of it, there is something wrong with you. (that's the end of the author quote) Motherhood is prescribed essentially as the only role for women eternally."

First of all, the only people that I have ever heard (or read) say that if you don't love every second of it there is something wrong with you are people who are complaining. NEVER have I heard a leader of the church or any proponent of stay-at-home motherhood say anything remotely like that. Of course you're not going to love every second of it! It's HARD WORK! But nothing worthwhile was ever achieved easily. Secondly, one of the most beautiful things about motherhood is that it is an eternal role. This woman makes it sound like women will only be wiping runny noses and sweeping for eternity.

Next quote, by a different woman:

On Sister Beck's talk: "...once again, women felt they were being handed a script for their lives that they couldn't follow."

On the Proclamation: "[It] gives a woman only one role. The single woman exists in the proclamation only as daughter of heavenly parents waiting to fulfill her destiny...Being a mother is a good and a necessary role, but a good mother must first be a good person, with roles and needs outside that of mother."

One more quote by another woman: "Motherhood really is meaningless unless there is a person being the mother in the first place."

First, God would never give us guidelines for how to return to Him if He didn't think we could do it. Yes, it's hard. But that doesn't mean we can't do it! Yes, there are extenuating circumstances that fall outside the preferred route, but that does not mean that we should stop working toward the ideal!

Second, the Proclamation does not give a woman only one role. Sounds like someone hasn't really read it; or if she did she saw only what she wanted to see. Read it for yourself; it's amazingly enlightening.

Third, I agree that a good mother must first be a good person, but being a good person is not contingent upon having "roles and needs outside that of mother." Yes, motherhood needs a person there in the first place. However, the implication that full-time dedication to being a mother precludes a woman from being a person is false (not to mention insulting). I'm so SO tired of hearing things like this that insinuate that motherhood is confining, suffocating, or destructive to a woman's individuality.

The general tasks mothers perform make it easy to give in to feelings of confinement or loss of self. This is where we are given the opportunity to grow! Motherhood is so much bigger than keeping kids alive and keeping the house clean. My friend Jordan posted this about how motherhood is not about losing yourself, but finding out who you are in relation to someone else. Read that as well if you would like more enlightenment. Motherhood requires countless sacrifices of the mother. The easy way to look at those sacrifices is to get tired and say that you've lost your sense of self. Thoughts like that just make it harder to keep going. Instead, look at those sacrifices as the fact that you are part of something bigger and more incredible than you could ever be by yourself. Motherhood is such a huge job, it's going to be a huge part of who a woman is.

Lastly, the only people who "narrow the role of women in the church" are those who minimize the influence of stay at home mothers. Church leaders are trying to show us the amazing influence for good that mothers can have if they focus on their families instead of escaping through jobs, hobbies, etc in search of themselves. Sometimes jobs are necessary, and I applaud mothers who appropriately balance necessary employment with their duties as wife and mother. Hobbies are good and can be wonderfully enriching activities. But when a mother lets these things get too high on the priority list when they aren't needed, she is taking away from what her family could be.

I feel incredibly blessed to live the life I do. My husband works hard for our family. He's working even harder these days working full time and going to school for a masters degree. His efforts make it possible for me to focus my time on our sons and our home. I have been blessed with three healthy, happy, incredible sons who bring me more joy in this life than I ever thought possible. These same boys push my mind, body, emotions, and every other part of me to their limits. They have caused me to grow and I have learned so much from being their mother and Bret's wife. I still have so much to learn, and I'm looking forward to it. Sometimes I look forward with trepidation, but I'm confident that whatever I may go through as a mother will bring me closer to my goal of an eternal family. I know that there is immense joy to be found in family. Perhaps I will post on why I know that one of these days, but this is already too long:)

Thanks for reading this all the way through. I really feel like I did not do this justice. I'm at a loss of how to do better. Ultimately, understanding and embracing the role of motherhood, and parenthood in general (father's have just as rough a time as mothers do), requires an understanding of Heavenly Father, His plan, His roles, His will, and principles such as service and self-sacrifice.

Originally written: August 9, 2008